Today is your birthday, congratulations! Everyone loves their birthday.
How old are you today?
[[16]]
[[18]]
[[21]]
[[(Content warning reminder if you need it)|CONTENT WARNING]]Wow! It's your sixteenth birthday, that's so cool! Now you can drive a car. That's really neat.
What kind of car do you want?
[[A fast red one]]
[[A small blue one]]
[[I don't like driving]]It's your twenty first birthday?! No way, that's amazing! What are your plans?
[[Gay Gal pals guzzle mimosas]]Wow! You're 18 whole years old! That's great! Now you can vote in elections and be tried as an adult and get drafted and go to jury duty and all SORTS of cool things.
What are you going to do first?
[[Vote]]
[[Get drafted]]Yeah, alright! No one will be able to ignore how cool you are when you drive up to school with your tires squeeling in your bright red brand new car. Not even Darren. I bet Carly would even talk to you for once
[[Yeah, I'll get to hang out with Darren|Darren]]
[[Yeah, I'll get to talk to Carly|Carly]]Yeah, nice choice, small blue cars are totally the way to go. So fuel efficient. So chill. I bet you'd always be on time in your small blue car
[[I would. I love being on time|time ending]]Oh, well that's okay too. I personally think that you don't have to like anything and that's totally fine. But don't you think you're placing a burden on your friends and family if you want to go anywhere? Isn't it a lot to ask your mom to drive you to and from school AND soccer games???
I'm not trying to judge and I'm glad your mom supports you, I just think that you having a car is as much a present for her as it is for you.
[[I guess you have a point. Okay, I'll pick a car|16]]Carly is objectively the smartest, cutest, and best cross-country runner in the school, maybe even the tristate area.
Carly also cares a lot about the environment, so maybe impressing her with a red sports car isn't really the ticket.
[[how about a bike?|bike]]
[[how about a prius?|prius]]
[[how about my cool new pedometer?|pedometer]]Hah, fat chance. You'd be the laughing-stock of the school if you asked Darren if he wanted to eat ice cream with you. Everyone knows he's lactose intolerant.
[[oops, my bad|New Choice]]Yeah, Darren's the coolest. I don't even think he studies or does his homework. I heard that one time Darren went to the bathroom without getting a hall pass. Surely he'll appreciate your cool new fast red car.
What do you want to do with Darren?
[[Hang out at his place]]
[[Eat ice cream]]
[[Massage his feet]]Uh, hate to break it to you but Darren lives in a foster home and doesn't really like to talk about it, so asking if you could hang out at his place is like //super// not cool
[[oh right, I forgot|New Choice]]Yeah, that sounds, wait. Massage his... what? Are you sure this is something Darren's into? This kid has the power to socially excommunicate you and you want to impress him with your car and then use that so you can massage his feet?
[[yes, I'm sure. This is all I've ever wanted|Feet]]
[[Nah, I was just playing|New Choice]]Alright, if you insist. You drive up to school in your sweet new ride and Darren's jaw drops straight to the ground. He slowly lowers his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose and you can see him mouth the word "Heck." Who would have thought that you could impress the coolest boy in school? Not you, not me, that's for sure.
You slide into a parking space that's reserved for a Mr. Pemberson--everyone's least favorite math teacher--and you're pretty sure Darren is salivating right now.
You step out of the car with your backpack slung over one shoulder even though it is remarkably heavy and you can scarcely walk when carrying it normally, but you have to be cool.
Darren walks up to you, trying so hard to be cool.
"Hey squirt, nice ride," he says.
"Heh, this old thing? I mean, I guess it's okay," you say, sweating profusely
"Ha! What a joker. By the way, happy belated birthday, ya dingus."
He remembered your birthday, well, he remembered that you did have a birthday, which is as close as it's going to get with Darren. What do you do?
[[play it cool]]
[[Freak out]]Alright, what would you like to do with Darren?
[[Hang out at his place]]
[[Eat ice cream]]
[[Massage his feet]]"Darren, I love you!" you scream at him.
He recoils a bit, but ultimately is kind of okay with your profession of love.
"Baby, I know it," he says, and then he walks away.
Darren accepted your advance, but you made the fatal mistake in this encounter: you cared more than him! Whoever cares the least in a relationship has the most control, the most power.
If you want to massage Darren's feet, you're going to have to make him //want// you to massage his feet.
Make him //Crave// it
He can't live without it
But for you?
You have to make him think that you don't give a flip whether or not you get to touch his perfect magnificent flawless cool feet with your smaller-than-average clammy hands.
[[Ok, I think I've got it this time|Feet]]"My birthday? Oh right, yeah, I almost forgot."
"Dang, kid. A year older, but like so many years cooler. We should hang out sometime."
This is it, this is your moment. Your entire life has been leading up to this moment, right now, and if you blow it you'll never get another chance like this again.
[["No yeah for sure, that sounds dope my dude."|Almost there]]
[["You look like you could use a good foot massage."|Massage1]]"Word," says Darren. "Say, do you know anyone that gives a good foot massage? My dogs are straight killing me, homie."
"You know, it's funny you should mention it, but I actually went to a master class on foot massages, so I'm pretty much an expert."
"Get outta town."
"Nah, I mean it."
"I don't believe you, you'll have to show me."
"Eh, I don't know if I'm really feeling it right now."
"Are you sure? I'd give anything for a good foot massage." You've got him, you've totally got him hooked. And it looks like he's willing to do something for it too
[["Give me your sunglasses."|sunglasses]]
[["Give me a kiss."|Kiss]]"My- my- my sunglasses? You- you want me to give you my sunglasses. I- I don't know if I can do that."
"Oh, that's too bad then. I gotta get to class. Later Darren." You start to walk away.
"Wait!" he calls after you. Darren takes a deep breath and takes off his sunglasses all the way, revealing his deep, emerald eyes. "Here," he says, sliding his sunglasses on your face, "these are yours now."
[[go in for the kill|Massage2]]"A kiss? If you wanted a kiss all you had to do was ask."
Darren leans in and kisses you on the lips, tenderly at first, and then more and more passionately. You grab his firm haunches and pull him in closer. Suddenly massaging his feet doesn't really matter to you very much anymore.
More cars are pulling up through the carpool loop and dropping off their kids as you and Darren smash your faces together like ducks in heat. You can taste the remnants of his Mentos breath mint on his tongue. It's delicious.
You playfully bite his lip. He bites yours back. You bite him again, but harder.
You bite through his lip and eat it. He doesn't say anything. You've never tasted anything so sumptuous. Who know that human flesh was so //tender?//
You swallow his lip.
You want more. You bite off his tongue and he moans in ecstacy. His blood starts pouring into your mouth like a duck sauce packet that you tore open with your teeth and then drank straight from the packet.
Darren passes out and you continue eating his face, his whole face.
Passersby stop and stare, but they are late for class so they don't really do anything about it.
When you finish your meal, you realize that all you wanted was to give him a foot massage and that you went too far.
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss
Game Over: Mr. Brightside Ending
[[Try again?|Happy Birthday]]"You know what, I //could// use a good foot massage. Thanks for the suggestion."
And with that Darren walked away to the parking lot, got in his car, and drove to the mall to get a foot massage.
You never see him again.
Game over: Mall Ending
[[Try again?|Happy Birthday]]"Sit down, Darren," you command. He sits eagerly on the nearby bench. You have him under your control now.
"Take off your shoes. And your socks too." He complies. It's hard to see out of Darren's sunglasses, but you know exactly what you're working with; feet.
You take a hold of his left foot and you carefully carress it, working your thumbs along his elegant arch. You use your fingers to flex his toes and your palm to push into the ball of his foot, stretching and tenderizing his muscles and tendons.
"Mmm, yeah, that's the spot, right there."
"Yeah, you like that?"
"Harder."
You really dig your digits into the bottom of his foot, perfectly alleviating all of the tension in his left foot.
"Wow, you're amazing. Okay, now do the other foot."
"No," you refuse.
"What? What do you mean "no"?"
"You have to wait until the end of the day for me to do the other foot."
"You just gave me the best foot massage of my life and you're going to make me wait for the other foot? What the heck dude?!"
"You do //want it// don't you?" you run your finger up the arch of his right foot.
"I- I- I- I-" he stammers.
"Then meet me here after school. Now get to class. You're going to be late."
Darren scurries off holding his socks and shoes. You've never seen him move in such a hurry before. How uncool.
[[You Win!]]You did it! You won! You got to massage Darren's feet! I'm so proud of you. Nice touch at the end with the whole make him come back for more bit, I was impressed and a little scared at your powertrip.
I hope you had a nice 16th birthday party. This is the official "Good Ending" for the 16th Birthday Route. Did you get all the endings? Don't worry so much about it. It's only a game.
Do you want to play again?
[[yes please|Happy Birthday]]
[[no thanks]]Okay, that's totally cool too!
Thanks for playing!
twitter @djonprime
bandcamp gregular.bandcamp.comThat has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But you know what, let's try it out.
You do realize that even if your step count goes up, which it surely won't, she's going to ask you to go running with her sometime and then you'll have to run with her and she'll expose you for a fraud.
[[I am aware|Plan1]]I'm so glad that you're committed to being on time. That's just great.
Game over: Wholesome and Timely Ending
[[play again?|Happy Birthday]]I don't think this will really help with the whole "getting to school" problem considering how far away you live. Good idea though.
[[try another idea|Carly]]
[[start over|Happy Birthday]]I mean, the Toyota Prius is a nice car and all, but it's not really something you want to be seen driving in highschool. Everyone would make fun of you mercilessly because there is nowhere on the planet liberal enough to think that the prius is cool.
[[try another idea|Carly]]
[[start over|Happy Birthday]]You're going to try to impress a genius cross-country runner with a //pedometer???// Okay, like, good idea with the shared interest thing, but there's no way you'll ever be able to compete with her step-count. Let's face it; Carly is out of your league.
[[no, no, hear me out on this one|Idea]]
Okay, I'm listening
[[Alright, so I take the pedometer and I put in the centrifuge in the bio lab and leave it there spinning overnight, and then the next day I take it out and show her that I have like a billion steps on it. Then she'll totally talk to me|Centrifuge]]Alright, suit yourself.
[[It's time to spin this pedometer|spin the pedometer]]You sneak into the bio lab at school and stick your pedometer inside the centrifuge and set it to run on "High" for 24 hours, that way you can get it tomorrow morning.
On your way out of the lab, you bump into Carly and you both fall down.
lol
You and Carly help each other up
"Sorry, Carly, I totally wasn't looking where I was going."
"That's alright, me neither. I was just in a rush to get my samples out of the centrifuge. What were you doing in the bio lab this early?"
[[lie]]
[[pee your pants]]"Oh, I left my calculator in here and I was just grabbing it before cla-" she pushes past you and walks into the bio lab sees that the centrifuge is still running.
"Did you restart the centrifuge?"
"Uhhhhh, no? It was still going when I came in. Not really sure why."
Carly looks you straight in the eyes. You can feel an intense weight on you. "I'm going to ask you again. //Did you restart the centrifuge?//"
You take a deep breath, "Yes. Carly, I can explain."
"Really? You can explain deliberately sabotaging my project? Do you have any idea how precise this suspension is?" She grabs you by the scuff of your shirt and lifts you up into the air, throwing you into a cabinet.
"I put a pedometer in it to get my step count up so I could impress you!"
She lowers you to the ground and releases you.
"You what?"
"I had this idea that if I could get my pedometer count high enough that I would impress you and then you would talk to me and maybe we could hang out because like, you're the most amazing person I've ever met but you're way out of my league and I'm sorry I restarted the centrifuge but I couldn't think of any other way to get my step count high enough."
"Well, if you really feel that way about me then why don't you just join the cross country team?"
"What?"
"If you joined the team you could spend like 10 hours a week running with me, you'd get to come with meets with me, and hey, you'd even get your step count up."
"Oh, I never thought about that. That's a really good idea. When are the tryouts?"
"You'd never make the cut." She pulls out a knife from her purse and stabs you. "That's for ruining my bio lab."
She stabs you again.
"That's for thinking you can impress me with your step count."
She stabs you again.
"And that's for thinking you can use a centrifuge to fake walking with a pedometer."
She walks out of the room and you bleed out.
Happy birthday
Game Over: Dead Ending
[[Try again?|Happy Birthday]]You're an idiot. You immediately start urinating because you ruined Carly's lab project and you're too scared to say anything
"Oh my god, are you peeing?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. It's a glandular condition."
"Oh, that's okay. It happens to everyone. Look."
You look down and Carly is now peeing her pants with you. You never thought that anyone would do something so nice for you. Is this the new normal?
She grabs your hand; "Don't say anything about this." and then she walks away.
Game Over: You and Carly Peed Your Pants Ending
[[Try again?|Happy Birthday]]Hm, well, there aren't really any wars going on right now that are serious enough for the government to call a draft. Maybe you should just vote in the meantime
[[Vote]]
[[No, I'll wait]]...okay. If you insist.
[[wait]]Great! I'm so glad you want to vote. Voting is very important. First thing you gotta do is register to vote, are you ready?
[[heck yeah I'm ready]]
[[keep waiting]]
[[continue waiting]]
[[THE WAIT IS OVER]]
The war is here! You've been waiting so patiently and now it has arrived! Are you ready???
[[yes]]
[[yes]]
[[yes]]You tie your shoes and get ready for the big war, you're so excited, you've never been to war before
Your tummy rumbles like artilery fire. You've been waiting an awful long time, maybe you should grab a snack first.
[[get a snack]]
[[head straight into battle]]Hunger can wait, you'll eat when you're dead!
You rush towards the sound of gunfire and join the ranks of other insta-drafted 18-year-old-American-Solidiers. You're all pretty jazzed about the whole war thing; it's a fresh, new and excited problem that's way better than math class or college applications, or Becky who sits across the room from you in American History in third period and uses her eraser as a q-tip to clean her ears and then eats the wax off of it RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU with everyone watching, like, //hello?// Earth to Becky! That's so unsanitary and gross and you (Becky) look like you enjoy it? You (the reader) are so glad to get a break from all of that mundane school stuff to actually do something important in the world.
You look to your left and see hundreds of more like minded citizens doing their part to protect their country
You look to your right and you see Becky, right next to you. Turns out she's really gross //and// patriotic. Oh well, can't fault her for that.
She notices you and smiles, teeth noticabley yellowed from her ear wax diet.
"Hello, private," she says.
"Hi, Becky," you say.
"Fancy seeing you here. At the war."
"Yup."
Your stomach growls at you again; it's still upset that you haven't eaten.
Becky takes notice:
"Oh, are you hungry?"
[["Yes, starving actually"]]
[["No, I'm good, thanks"]]
"Well, Private, you're in for a treat," says Becky with a grin so wide you become concerned for the musculature of her face that allows her to grin with such intensity; it's unnatural. She pulls out a massive plastic container filled with something vile. "I was saving this to ration it out during the war, but I figured sharing some with you wouldn't hurt."
"What is it?" you ask, knowing very well that it's literally just ear wax
"Just a little something special I whipped up at home. Try it."
She opens the lid and half of your nose hairs fall out, right into the ear wax no less. Becky hands you an uncomfortably warm spoon.
"Go on," she urges, "Try it."
"You know what, I'm not feeling very hungry anymore."
"Try it, you'll like it."
What do you do?
[[Try it]]
[[I give up, I don't want to play this game anymore]]"Alright, suit yourself," she says.
And just like that, you die of starvation. You were waiting a really long time for the war, I guess you hadn't realized how long it had been.
A young growing american citizen's gotta eat!
Game Over: Starved to Death ending
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]You go to the kitchen to grab a snack. You find a brown sugar cinnamon pop-tart in the cupboard. It's not your favorite flavor, but you eat it anyways.
Satisfied and ready for combat, you run outside and the war is over. You just missed it!
Oh well, maybe next year.
Game Over: Call of Hunger Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]Okay, yeah I think I may have gone a little bit too far on this one.
The ear wax thing is hella gross, but I promise you won't actually eat it even if you try to.
If you're done playing, thank you for getting this far and I'm sorry it had to end like this.
If you need a breather, that's alirght too.
Whenever you're ready, you can go back and make that choice to quote "try it" but I //promise// I could never bring myself to write something that disgusting.
Or, you're also more than welcome to try a different route without ear wax.
[[I'm done, get me out of here|no thanks]]
[[I'm ready, let's go for it|"Yes, starving actually"]]
[[Start over|Happy Birthday]]You take the uncomfortably warm spoon in your hand and take the tiniest scoop possible from the also strangely warm container of ear wax.
"No, really dig in there," says Becky. She grabs your spoon-holding-arm and helps you get a bigger helping onto your spoon. The more you stare at it the more you see that you don't want to see. The worst of it is little eraser shavings.
You take a deep breath, about to do the unthinkable, when suddenly you hear a horrible whistling overhead. It's what you always imagined enemy artilery would sound like. You look up and smile at the hundreds of artilery shells falling from the sky, knowing that you'll know peace before you have to eat Becky's (I mean, who else's could it be?) ear wax.
You, Becky, the ear wax, and your entire batallion are blown to smitherines, never to be seen again. At least you all died together, so no one had to die alone.
Game Over: Thank God You Didn't Eat the Ear Wax ending
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]Alight, First I'll need the first letter of your name:
[[A|number]]
[[B|number]]
[[C|number]]
[[D|number]]
[[E|number]]
[[F|number]]
[[H|number]]
[[I|number]]
[[J|number]]
[[K|number]]
[[M|number]]
[[N|number]]
[[O|number]]
[[P|number]]
[[Q|number]]
[[R|number]]
[[T|number]]
[[U|number]]
[[V|number]]
[[W|number]]
[[X|number]]
[[Y|number]]
[[Z|number]]Wow, great letter. Now I need 9 digits of your social security number
what's the first digit?
[[1|second number]]
[[2|second number]]
[[3|second number]]
[[4|second number]]
[[5|second number]]
[[6|second number]]
[[7|second number]]
[[8|second number]]
[[9|second number]]
[[0|second number]]Wow cool! Mine too, what's the second number?
[[11|third number]]
[[12|third number]]
[[13|third number]]
[[14|third number]]
[[15|third number]]
[[16|third number]]
[[17|third number]]
[[18|third number]]
[[19|third number]]
[[10|third number]]Good one, what's the third number?
[[101|fourth number]]
[[202|fourth number]]
[[303|fourth number]]
[[404|fourth number]]
[[505|fourth number]]
[[606|fourth number]]
[[707|fourth number]]
[[808|fourth number]]
[[909|fourth number]]
[[1000|fourth number]]
you're doing amazing, what's that fourth digit?
[[1234|fifth number]]
[[2345|fifth number]]
[[3456|fifth number]]
[[4567|fifth number]]
[[5678|fifth number]]
[[6789|fifth number]]
[[7890|fifth number]]
[[8901|fifth number]]
[[9012|fifth number]]
[[0123|fifth number]]Almost there, what's the fifth number of your social security code? This is all so you can register to vote
[[11111|sixth number]]
[[22222|sixth number]]
[[33333|sixth number]]
[[44444|sixth number]]
[[55555|sixth number]]
[[66666|sixth number]]
[[77777|sixth number]]
[[88888|sixth number]]
[[99999|sixth number]]
[[00000|sixth number]]Spectacular! What's lucky number 6?
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[six|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]
[[6|seventh number]]Just a couple more, what's even luckier number 7?
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]
[[7777777|eigth number]]The penultimate number; number 8????
[[one|ninth number]]
[[two|ninth number]]
[[threeve|ninth number]]
[[eleventeen|ninth number]]
[[mine|ninth number]]
[[nine|ninth number]]
[[wine|ninth number]]
[[quelleve|ninth number]]
[[fort|ninth number]]
[[blue|ninth number]]You did it! Now you're almost registered to vote. I just need to know what state you live in
[[Alabama|State]]
[[Arkansas|State]]
[[Boston|State]]
[[Chicago|State]]
[[Despair |State]]
[[Florida|State]]
[[New York|State]]
[[Canada|State]]
[[San Frisco |State]]
[[North Dakota|State]]
[[South Dakota |State]]
[[East Dakota|State]]
[[West Dakota|State]]
[[Central Dakota|State]]
[[Northwest Dakota|State]]
[[Southwest Dakota|State]]
[[Northeast Dakota|State]]
[[Southeast Dakota|State]]
[[North-central Dakota|State]]
[[South-central Dakota|State]]
[[East-central Dakota |State]]
[[West-central Dakota |State]]
[[Noth-South Dakota |State]]
[[East-West Dakota|State]]Wow! No kidding, I live there too! We should hang sometime.
Anyways, now you're all registered to vote.
Who are you going to vote for?
[[The liberal candidate|Vote2]]
[[The conservative candidate|Vote2]]
[[The independent candidate|Vote2]]You vote for your favorite candidate
[[wait for the results|results]]They lost. Oh well, that happens. At least you participated in the democratic process and a great American tradition.
[[moral victory]]You won the 18th birthday route! Good job. Please vote IRL and remember to call your represententatives. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
Thanks for playing.
Would you like to play again?
[[yes please|Happy Birthday]]
[[no thanks]]And the final number is????????
[[number 9|registration]]
[[number 9|registration]]
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[[number 9|registration]]Oh that sounds like fun! Who's going to be there?
[[Shelby, Shelly, Sheila, and Shauna|Group 1]]
[[Nancy, Dancy, Fancy, and Pansy|Group 2]]
[[Erica, Dericka, Merrica, and Chairica|Group 3]]
[[Mary-Anne, Mary-Frances, Mary-Katherine, and Mary-Catherine|Group 4]]
[[Megaton Mary, Big Mike, Roundhouse Rita, and Death-From-Above Debbie|Group 5]]You and all of your gayest gal pals all go out for brunch mimosas! It's so convenient that all five of you were all free for your birthday brunch, or as all the gals are calling it, "Birthunch."
You, Shelby, Shelly, Sheila, and Shauna all arrive promptly at 11:00 am at Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: Spavento is French for yummy) for the greatest Birthunch of your life!
Shelby is wearing a pink bonnet with blue, lacey trim and she has her silky auburn hair in an up-do, not a strand out of place. She's wearing her classic baby-blue, Birthunch sundress with white thigh-highs and red converse. Her lips are a little over-red with new lipstick that she hasn't used before; you can see a little smudge on the back of her hand to test it, but Shelby's got a snowball's chance in hell of putting the right amount of lipstick on (I mean, who doesn't?).
Shelly is rocking her new rainbow, propeller beanie hat with denim coveralls. The hat accents her rainbow tie-dye top that you can only kind of see beneath her coveralls. Shelly doesn't believe in makeup, but since it's a special occasion, she used tasteful amount of nude lipstick and is probably the only person that could help Shelby figure out the nuance of a little rouge a levres (Translator's note: That's french for "fish scales that you smear on your body")
Sheila is wearing her green, army jacket with lots of buttons and patches sewn on it from her favorite bands and causes. Under that she's wearing a black My Chemical Romance T-Shirt, electric-blue short-shorts, white ankle-socks, and dirty Jordan's, because you never know when you're going to have to dunk on someone. Sheila has on mascara that makes her eyelashes look like swords coming out of her eyelids; scary, but it also kind of turns you on.
You look at Shauna as she arrives and time stands still; she's wearing a black leather jacket with black leather fingerless gloves, a black leather corset that could become a wardrobe malfunction at any second, a black leather miniskirt, black leather fishnets, black leather combat-boots, black leather lipstick, black leather eyeliner, black leather nail-polish, and a black leather bow in her black leather hair. You can barely believe it, you're both wearing the exact same outfit! Of all the nerve. Who does she think she is that she can just come to your 21st Birthunch wearing your signature look?
It doesn't look like anyone has noticed yet or said anything about it. Maybe the whole event will go off without a hitch, or do you want to put Shauna in her place? What do you do?
[[Say Something]]
[[Say Nothing]]You and all of your gayest gal pals all go out for brunch mimosas! It's so convenient that all five of you were all free for your birthday brunch, or as all the gals are calling it, "Birthunch."
You, Nancy, Dancy, Fancy, and Pansy all arrive promptly at 11:00 am at Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: Spavento is Aramaic for He is Risen) for the greatest Birthunch of your life!
Nancy is wearing a red snapback with gold, fox trim and she has her curly black hair in an up-do, not a strand out of place. She's wearing her classic tartan, Birthunch romper with candycane thigh-highs and red vans. Her lips are a little over-blue with new lipstick that she hasn't used before; you can see a little smudge on the back of her hand to test it, but Nancy's got a snowball's chance in hell of putting the right amount of lipstick on (I mean, who doesn't?).
Dancy is rocking her new argyle, ski mask with denim chaps. The hat accents her neon-plaid top that you can only kind of see because her ensemble as a whole makes you dizzy. Dancy doesn't believe in makeup, but since it's a special occasion, she used tasteful amount of chocolate and is probably the only person that could help Nancy figure out the nuance of a little rouge a levres (Translator's note: That's french for "fish scales that you smear on your body")
Fancy is wearing her camo, USA military fatigues with lots of buttons and patches sewn on it from her favorite wars. Under that she's wearing a white Radiohead T-Shirt, a g string bikini botttom, mismatched ankle-socks, and flip flops, because you never know when you're going to have to hit the beach. Fancy has on eyeliner that makes her eyelids look like spotlights; scary, but it also kind of turns you on.
You look at Pansy as she arrives and time stands still; she's wearing a black leather jacket with black leather fingerless gloves, a black leather corset that could become a wardrobe malfunction at any second, a black leather miniskirt, black leather fishnets, black leather combat-boots, black leather lipstick, black leather eyeliner, black leather nail-polish, and a black leather bow in her black leather hair. You can barely believe it, you're both wearing the exact same outfit! Of all the nerve. Who does she think she is that she can just come to your 21st Birthunch wearing your signature look?
It doesn't look like anyone has noticed yet or said anything about it. Maybe the whole event will go off without a hitch, or do you want to put Pansy in her place? What do you do?
[[Say Something|Say Something2]]
[[Say Nothing|Say Nothing2]]
You and all of your gayest gal pals all go out for brunch mimosas! It's so convenient that all five of you were all free for your birthday brunch, or as all the gals are calling it, "Birthunch."
You, Erica, Dericka, Merrica, and Chairica all arrive promptly at 11:00 am at Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: Spavento is Spanish for Discarded) for the greatest Birthunch of your life!
Erica is wearing a yellow bow with orange, firey trim and she has her juicy black hair in an up-do, not a strand out of place. She's wearing her classic emerald-encrusted, Birthunch cocktail dress with orange yoga pants and magenta Toms. Her lips are a little over-black with new lipstick that she hasn't used before; you can see a little smudge on the back of her hand to test it, but Erica's got a snowball's chance in hell of putting the right amount of lipstick on (I mean, who doesn't?).
Dericka is rocking her new nipple propeller hat with denim fingerless gloves. The hat accents her two nipples that you can clearly see since she isn't wearing a shirt. Dericka doesn't believe in shirts.
Merrica is wearing lots of buttons and patches sewn together from her favorite bands and causes. Under that she's wearing a black The Smiths T-Shirt, Coca-Cola short-shorts, Pepsi knee socks, and Crocs, because you never know when you're going to have to do some gardening. Merrica has on eyeshadow that makes her look like a fish.
You look at Chairica as she arrives and time stands still; she's wearing a black leather jacket with black leather fingerless gloves, a black leather corset that could become a wardrobe malfunction at any second, a black leather miniskirt, black leather fishnets, black leather combat-boots, black leather lipstick, black leather eyeliner, black leather nail-polish, and a black leather bow in her black leather hair. You can barely believe it, you're both wearing the exact same outfit! Of all the nerve. Who does she think she is that she can just come to your 21st Birthunch wearing your signature look?
It doesn't look like anyone has noticed yet or said anything about it. Maybe the whole event will go off without a hitch, or do you want to put Chairica in her place? What do you do?
[[Say Something|Say Something3]]
[[Say Nothing|Say Nothing3]]
You and all of your gayest gal pals all go out for brunch mimosas! It's so convenient that all five of you were all free for your birthday brunch, or as all the gals are calling it, "Birthunch."
You, Mary-Anne, Mary-Frances, Mary-Katherine, and Mary-Catherine all arrive promptly at 11:00 am at Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: Spavento is Dutch for Quick) for the greatest Birthunch of your life!
Mary-Anne is wearing a chrome hubcap with roadkill trim and she has her enormous red hair all over the place. She's wearing her classic baby-blue, Birthunch Honda Civic with white wheelwalls and red tires. Her hood is a little over-red with new wax that she hasn't used before; you can see a little smudge on the back of her mirror to test it, but Mary-Anne's got a snowball's chance in hell of putting the right amount of wax on (I mean, who doesn't?).
Mary-Frances is rocking her new moldy, cheese wheel hat with bacon coveralls. The hat accents her putrid odor that you could smell three blocks away. Mary-Frances doesn't believe in hygiene, but since it's a special occasion, she used tasteful amount of perfume to try to be classy.
Mary-Katherine is wearing her green morph suit. Under that you're not realy sure what she's wearing or even if it's Mary-Katherine at all. She's the right height though so it's probably fine.
You look at Mary-Catherine as she arrives and time stands still; she's wearing a black leather jacket with black leather fingerless gloves, a black leather corset that could become a wardrobe malfunction at any second, a black leather miniskirt, black leather fishnets, black leather combat-boots, black leather lipstick, black leather eyeliner, black leather nail-polish, and a black leather bow in her black leather hair. You can barely believe it, you're both wearing the exact same outfit! Of all the nerve. Who does she think she is that she can just come to your 21st Birthunch wearing your signature look?
It doesn't look like anyone has noticed yet or said anything about it. Maybe the whole event will go off without a hitch, or do you want to put Mary-Catherine in her place? What do you do?
[[Say Something|Say Something4]]
[[Say Nothing|Say Nothing4]]
You and all of your gayest gal pals all go out for brunch mimosas! It's so convenient that all five of you were all free for your birthday brunch, or as all the gals are calling it, "Birthunch."
You, Megaton Mary, Big Mike, Roundhouse Rita, and Death-From-Above Debbie all arrive promptly at 11:00 am at Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: Spavento is Italian for Terror) for the greatest Birthunch of your life!
Megaton Mary is wearing a human skull on top of her's with a pink bonnet with blue, lacey trim. The skull also has silky auburn hair in an up-do, not a strand out of place. She's wearing a torn and bloody baby-blue, Birthunch sundress with white thigh-highs and red converse that you haven't seen her wear before and look a bit small on her. Probably new. Her lips are covered with blood.
Big Mike is rocking her new bloodstained, propeller beanie hat with bloody denim coveralls. The hat accents her ripped tie-dye t-shirt that you can only kind of see beneath her coveralls. Big Mike doesn't believe in makeup, but since it's a special occasion, she used tasteful amount of blood and is probably the only person that could help Megaton Mary figure out the nuance of a little rouge a levres (Translator's note: That's french for "blood on your lips")
Roundhouse Rita is wearing lots of buttons and patches sewn into her flesh from her favorite bands and causes. Today there are some new ones.
You look at Death-From-Above Debbie as she arrives and time stands still; she's wearing a black leather jacket with black leather fingerless gloves, a black leather corset that could become a wardrobe malfunction at any second, a black leather miniskirt, black leather fishnets, black leather combat-boots, black leather lipstick, black leather eyeliner, black leather nail-polish, and a black leather bow in her black leather hair. You can barely believe it, you're both wearing the exact same outfit! Of all the nerve. Who does she think she is that she can just come to your 21st Birthunch wearing your signature look?
It doesn't look like anyone has noticed yet or said anything about it. Maybe the whole event will go off without a hitch, or do you want to put Death-From-Above Debbie in her place? What do you do?
[[Say Something|Say something5]]
[[Say Nothing|say nothing5]]
Okay, great. You decide to speak up about this issue. How do you want to address this issue?
[[Blunt]]
[[Subtle]]You decide to say nothing about Shauna wearing the exact same outfit as you and just try to enjoy your Birthunch in the company of your closest, gayest friends.
You all sit down at your reserved table in the back room of Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: That's German for "Shauna's a Classless Traitor Cafe) and order your mimosas. No one has said anything about the, now very obvious, issue of you and Shauna wearing the same outfit. Sheila gives you a confused and uncomfortable look, as if to say //"Hey, what's the deal with Shauna wearing the same outfit as you?"// but in fact Sheila was trying to say //"Hey, I'm deathly allergic to orange juice so I don't really know if I should drink my mimosa. I was confused and thought we were getting samosas which was kind of out there, but hey it's your Birthunch and I'm down for anything, but now the Social Contract has me trapped here and if I drink my mimosa in 6 minutes I'll probably die."// Unfortunately you aren't very good at non-verbal communication and you were also primed to expect someone to say something about Shauna anyways. You take this as a cue that now is the time for action, but you still don't really want to start anything, so instead you just nod at Sheila as if you completely understand.
Sheila is confused as to why you're nodding at her, since the thing you thought she meant isn't really answerable with a nod, and neither is the thing she actually meant. She makes another face at you that is the epitome of //"Wait, what?"// but you read it as, //"Wait, you want ''me'' to say something?"// again, you're not very good at this and also the priming thing, and so you nod at her again, and this time at the end of it, you motion with the tail-end of your nod over to Shauna.
By now, Shelly has taken notice of this non-verbal exchange and gives you a look that says //"Everything ok?"// and in response you wink at her. Again, that's not really the right thing to do, but sure we'll just roll with it. Shelly leans back in her chair, confused, and waits for the drinks to arrive, continuing other conversation and smalltalk with the other girls at the table.
The mimosas finally arrive and you give Sheila one final look. You all pick up your glasses, Sheila stands up and says
"I'm so glad that we could all come together and celebrate the birth of one of the most wonderful people I know, but before we continue, I need to say something..."
[[Let her finish]]
[[Interject ]]"...I'm deathly allergic to orange juice and I only agreed to this because I thought we were getting samosas and not mimosas. I always get them confused in my head. I hope my not partaking in this beverage doesn't ruin everyone else's time, but I'd rather live to Birthunch another day. Cheers."
"Cheers," you all say in unison, and then drink (except for Sheila).
Suddenly, your complaint about Shauna wearing the same outfit as you doesn't seem like such a big deal; you're just glad you get to spend time with your friends and talk about the silly things like confusing mimosas and samosas, and that Sheila isn't going to die of an allergic reaction to orange juice.
[[21st Birthday Good ending]]You savagely cut her off.
"...What she needs to say is that Shauna tastelessly and carelessly stole my classic look and that we are not just going to sit here and take it!" You are a little shocked by how no one expected you to say that, especially Sheila.
Shauna takes a deep breath and says, "Fine, I guess one of us needs to change then."
Of all the nerve. On your birthunchday, no less. You smile angrily.
"Alright, then. Take it off."
Everyone gasps. Shauna smiles back, just as angry.
"Make me."
You vault over the table knocking dishes and silverware to the ground and into laps. You and Shauna both begin ripping your clothes off each other which is really uncomfortable and tedious because you both had the //audacity// to wear all leather. When you both are half-naked and undoing each other's corsets things start to get heated because suddenly you notice that Sheila, Shelly, and Shelby are all taking their clothes off as well. But they look like they're doing it for fun, not out of spite.
"//This wasn't supposed to be a fun activity!//" you think loudly. But now that you can see Shauna's fully nude body you realize that this is kind of fun.
The waiter arrives with the mimosas and quickly leaves, not wanting to get involved with the naked chaos. After light foreplay you propose a toast;
"Three cheers to Shauna for making me take her clothes off and starting a new Birthunch tradition. Let's get smashed and get back to business!" You all down your mimosas as quickly as possible, even Sheila, trapped by the social contract, who promptly dies due to her orange juice allergy.
Yikes. This kills the mood. Shelby calls an ambulance while everyone gets dressed. Maybe you should get better at reading facial cues so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
The End: Sheila Died Naked
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]You stand up.
"Look, Shauna, I don't know what the //heck// you think you're doing wearing //my// look on //my// 21st birthunchday celebration, but if you think that I'm just going to //sit// here while //you're// stealing //my// outift then //some//body's going to have to do something about it."
Everyone freezes. Sheila slowly spits a couple of icecubes out of her mouth back into her glass of water.
Shauna's upper lip quivers as she tries to say something.
"I- I- I-" she stammers. Tears are now wellling up in her eyes.
"I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU!" she sobs.
Shauna stands up from the table and runs to the bathroom to continue crying. Shelby goes after her to console her. Sheila gives you a look that says "//wow, way to go, //idiot.// All she ever did was look up to you//."
No one says anything.
Great. You've official ruined your birthday. I hope you're happy.
The End: You Made Shauna Cry Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]You cough into your hand to try to get everyone's attention, but it doesn't seem to work.
You could try coughing louder, but that might arouse suspicion that you're ill and that would be counterproductive.
I don't think being subtle is really going to get anything done here.
What do you do?
[[Try being blunt|Blunt]]
[[Just don't say anything|Say Nothing]]Hooray! You did it! Everything went off without a hitch. What a good time. I hope you had fun.
What do you want to do now?
[[Play Again|Happy Birthday]]
[[Stop|no thanks]]Okay, great. You decide to speak up about this issue. How do you want to address this issue?
[[Blunt|Blunt2]]
[[Subtle|Subtle2]]You decide to say nothing about Pansy wearing the exact same outfit as you and just try to enjoy your Birthunch in the company of your closest, gayest friends.
You all sit down at your reserved table in the back room of Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: That's German for "Pansy's a Classless Traitor Cafe) and order your mimosas. No one has said anything about the, now very obvious, issue of you and Pansy wearing the same outfit. Fancy gives you a confused and uncomfortable look, as if to say //"Hey, what's the deal with Pansy wearing the same outfit as you?"// but in fact Fancy was trying to say //"Hey, I'm deathly allergic to orange juice so I don't really know if I should drink my mimosa. I was confused and thought we were getting samosas which was kind of out there, but hey it's your Birthunch and I'm down for anything, but now the Social Contract has me trapped here and if I drink my mimosa in 6 minutes I'll probably die."// Unfortunately you aren't very good at non-verbal communication and you were also primed to expect someone to say something about Pansy anyways. You take this as a cue that now is the time for action, but you still don't really want to start anything, so instead you just nod at Fancy as if you completely understand.
Fancy is confused as to why you're nodding at her, since the thing you thought she meant isn't really answerable with a nod, and neither is the thing she actually meant. She makes another face at you that is the epitome of //"Wait, what?"// but you read it as, //"Wait, you want ''me'' to say something?"// again, you're not very good at this and also the priming thing, and so you nod at her again, and this time at the end of it, you motion with the tail-end of your nod over to Pansy.
By now, Dancy has taken notice of this non-verbal exchange and gives you a look that says //"Everything ok?"// and in response you wink at her. Again, that's not really the right thing to do, but sure we'll just roll with it. Dancy leans back in her chair, confused, and waits for the drinks to arrive, continuing other conversation and smalltalk with the other girls at the table.
The mimosas finally arrive and you give Fancy one final look. You all pick up your glasses, Fancy stands up and says
"I'm so glad that we could all come together and celebrate the birth of one of the most wonderful people I know, but before we continue, I need to say something..."
[[Let her finish|Finish2]]
[[Interject|Interject2]]
"...I'm deathly allergic to orange juice and I only agreed to this because I thought we were getting samosas and not mimosas. I always get them confused in my head. I hope my not partaking in this beverage doesn't ruin everyone else's time, but I'd rather live to Birthunch another day. Cheers."
"Cheers," you all say in unison, and then drink (except for Fancy).
Suddenly, your complaint about Pansy wearing the same outfit as you doesn't seem like such a big deal; you're just glad you get to spend time with your friends and talk about the silly things like confusing mimosas and samosas, and that Fancy isn't going to die of an allergic reaction to orange juice.
[[21st Birthday Good ending]]
You savagely cut her off.
"...What she needs to say is that Pansy tastelessly and carelessly stole my classic look and that we are not just going to sit here and take it!" You are a little shocked by how no one expected you to say that, especially Fancy.
Pansy takes a deep breath and says, "Fine, I guess one of us needs to change then."
Of all the nerve. On your birthunchday, no less. You smile angrily.
"Alright, then. Take it off."
Everyone gasps. Pansy smiles back, just as angry.
"Make me."
You vault over the table knocking dishes and silverware to the ground and into laps. You and Pansy both begin ripping your clothes off each other which is really uncomfortable and tedious because you both had the //audacity// to wear all leather. When you both are half naked and undoing each other's corsets things start to get heated because suddenly you notice that Fancy, Dancy, and Nancy are all taking their clothes off as well. But they look like they're doing it for fun, not out of spite.
"//This wasn't supposed to be a fun activity!//" you think loudly. But now that you can see Pansy's fully nude body you realize that this is kind of fun.
The waiter arrives with the mimosas and quickly leaves, not wanting to get involved with the naked chaos. After light foreplay you propose a toast;
"Three cheers to Pansy for making me take her clothes off and starting a new Birthunch tradition. Let's get smashed and get back to business!" You all down your mimosas as quickly as possible, even Fancy, trapped by the social contract, who promptly dies due to her orange juice allergy.
Yikes. This kills the mood. Nancy calls an ambulance while everyone gets dressed. Maybe you should get better at reading facial cues so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
The End: Fancy Died Naked
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You stand up.
"Look, Pansy, I don't know what the //heck// you think you're doing wearing //my// look on //my// 21st birthunchday celebration, but if you think that I'm just going to //sit// here while //you're// stealing //my// outfit then //some//body's going to have to do something about it."
Everyone freezes. Fancy slowly spits a couple of ice cubes out of her mouth back into her glass of water.
Pansy's upper lip quivers as she tries to say something.
"I- I- I-" she stammers. Tears are now welling up in her eyes.
"I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU!" she sobs.
Pansy stands up from the table and runs to the bathroom to continue crying. Nancy goes after her to console her. Fancy gives you a look that says "//wow, way to go, //idiot.// All she ever did was look up to you//."
No one says anything.
Great. You've official ruined your birthday. I hope you're happy.
The End: You Made Pansy Cry Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]You cough into your hand to try to get everyone's attention, but it doesn't seem to work.
You could try coughing louder, but that might arouse suspicion that you're ill and that would be counterproductive.
I don't think being subtle is really going to get anything done here.
What do you do?
[[Try being blunt|Blunt2]]
[[Just don't say anything|Say Nothing2]]Okay, great. You decide to speak up about this issue. How do you want to address this issue?
[[Blunt|Blunt3]]
[[Subtle|Subtle3]]You decide to say nothing about Chairica wearing the exact same outfit as you and just try to enjoy your Birthunch in the company of your closest, gayest friends.
You all sit down at your reserved table in the back room of Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: That's German for "Chairica's a Classless Traitor Cafe) and order your mimosas. No one has said anything about the, now very obvious, issue of you and Chairica wearing the same outfit. Merrica gives you a confused and uncomfortable look, as if to say //"Hey, what's the deal with Chairica wearing the same outfit as you?"// but in fact Merrica was trying to say //"Hey, I'm deathly allergic to orange juice so I don't really know if I should drink my mimosa. I was confused and thought we were getting samosas which was kind of out there, but hey it's your Birthunch and I'm down for anything, but now the Social Contract has me trapped here and if I drink my mimosa in 6 minutes I'll probably die."// Unfortunately you aren't very good at non-verbal communication and you were also primed to expect someone to say something about Chairica anyways. You take this as a cue that now is the time for action, but you still don't really want to start anything, so instead you just nod at Merrica as if you completely understand.
Merrica is confused as to why you're nodding at her, since the thing you thought she meant isn't really answerable with a nod, and neither is the thing she actually meant. She makes another face at you that is the epitome of //"Wait, what?"// but you read it as, //"Wait, you want ''me'' to say something?"// again, you're not very good at this and also the priming thing, and so you nod at her again, and this time at the end of it, you motion with the tail-end of your nod over to Chairica.
By now, Dericka has taken notice of this non-verbal exchange and gives you a look that says //"Everything ok?"// and in response you wink at her. Again, that's not really the right thing to do, but sure we'll just roll with it. Dericka leans back in her chair, confused, and waits for the drinks to arrive, continuing other conversation and smalltalk with the other girls at the table.
The mimosas finally arrive and you give Merrica one final look. You all pick up your glasses, Merrica stands up and says
"I'm so glad that we could all come together and celebrate the birth of one of the most wonderful people I know, but before we continue, I need to say something..."
[[Let her finish|Finish3]]
[[Interject|Interject3]]
"...I'm deathly allergic to orange juice and I only agreed to this because I thought we were getting samosas and not mimosas. I always get them confused in my head. I hope my not partaking in this beverage doesn't ruin everyone else's time, but I'd rather live to Birthunch another day. Cheers."
"Cheers," you all say in unison, and then drink (except for Merrica).
Suddenly, your complaint about Chairica wearing the same outfit as you doesn't seem like such a big deal; you're just glad you get to spend time with your friends and talk about the silly things like confusing mimosas and samosas, and that Merrica isn't going to die of an allergic reaction to orange juice.
[[21st Birthday Good ending]]
You savagely cut her off.
"...What she needs to say is that Chairica tastelessly and carelessly stole my classic look and that we are not just going to sit here and take it!" You are a little shocked by how no one expected you to say that, especially Merrica.
Chairica takes a deep breath and says, "Fine, I guess one of us needs to change then."
Of all the nerve. On your birthunchday, no less. You smile angrily.
"Alright, then. Take it off."
Everyone gasps. Chairica smiles back, just as angry.
"Make me."
You vault over the table knocking dishes and silverware to the ground and into laps. You and Chairica both begin ripping your clothes off each other which is really uncomfortable and tedious because you both had the //audacity// to wear all leather. When you both are half naked and undoing each other's corsets things start to get heated because suddenly you notice that Merrica, Dericka, and Erica are all taking their clothes off as well. But they look like they're doing it for fun, not out of spite.
"//This wasn't supposed to be a fun activity!//" you think loudly. But now that you can see Chairica's fully nude body you realize that this is kind of fun.
The waiter arrives with the mimosas and quickly leaves, not wanting to get involved with the naked chaos. After light foreplay you propose a toast;
"Three cheers to Chairica for making me take her clothes off and starting a new Birthunch tradition. Let's get smashed and get back to business!" You all down your mimosas as quickly as possible, even Merrica, trapped by the social contract, who promptly dies due to her orange juice allergy.
Yikes. This kills the mood. Erica calls an ambulance while everyone gets dressed. Maybe you should get better at reading facial cues so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
The End: Merrica Died Naked
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You stand up.
"Look, Chairica, I don't know what the //heck// you think you're doing wearing //my// look on //my// 21st birthunchday celebration, but if you think that I'm just going to //sit// here while //you're// stealing //my// outfit then //some//body's going to have to do something about it."
Everyone freezes. Merrica slowly spits a couple of ice cubes out of her mouth back into her glass of water.
Chairica's upper lip quivers as she tries to say something.
"I- I- I-" she stammers. Tears are now welling up in her eyes.
"I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU!" she sobs.
Chairica stands up from the table and runs to the bathroom to continue crying. Erica goes after her to console her. Merrica gives you a look that says "//wow, way to go, //idiot.// All she ever did was look up to you//."
No one says anything.
Great. You've official ruined your birthday. I hope you're happy.
The End: You Made Chairica Cry Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]You cough into your hand to try to get everyone's attention, but it doesn't seem to work.
You could try coughing louder, but that might arouse suspicion that you're ill and that would be counterproductive.
I don't think being subtle is really going to get anything done here.
What do you do?
[[Try being blunt|Blunt3]]
[[Just don't say anything|Say Nothing3]]Okay, great. You decide to speak up about this issue. How do you want to address this issue?
[[Blunt|Blunt4]]
[[Subtle|Subtle4]]You decide to say nothing about Mary-Catherine wearing the exact same outfit as you and just try to enjoy your Birthunch in the company of your closest, gayest friends.
You all sit down at your reserved table in the back room of Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: That's German for "Mary-Catherine's a Classless Traitor Cafe) and order your mimosas. No one has said anything about the, now very obvious, issue of you and Mary-Catherine wearing the same outfit. Mary-Katherine gives you a confused and uncomfortable look, as if to say //"Hey, what's the deal with Mary-Catherine wearing the same outfit as you?"// but in fact Mary-Katherine was trying to say //"Hey, I'm deathly allergic to orange juice so I don't really know if I should drink my mimosa. I was confused and thought we were getting samosas which was kind of out there, but hey it's your Birthunch and I'm down for anything, but now the Social Contract has me trapped here and if I drink my mimosa in 6 minutes I'll probably die."// Unfortunately you aren't very good at non-verbal communication and you were also primed to expect someone to say something about Mary-Catherine anyways. You take this as a cue that now is the time for action, but you still don't really want to start anything, so instead you just nod at Mary-Katherine as if you completely understand.
Mary-Katherine is confused as to why you're nodding at her, since the thing you thought she meant isn't really answerable with a nod, and neither is the thing she actually meant. She makes another face at you that is the epitome of //"Wait, what?"// but you read it as, //"Wait, you want ''me'' to say something?"// again, you're not very good at this and also the priming thing, and so you nod at her again, and this time at the end of it, you motion with the tail-end of your nod over to Mary-Catherine.
By now, Mary-Frances has taken notice of this non-verbal exchange and gives you a look that says //"Everything ok?"// and in response you wink at her. Again, that's not really the right thing to do, but sure we'll just roll with it. Mary-Frances leans back in her chair, confused, and waits for the drinks to arrive, continuing other conversation and smalltalk with the other girls at the table.
The mimosas finally arrive and you give Mary-Katherine one final look. You all pick up your glasses, Mary-Katherine stands up and says
"I'm so glad that we could all come together and celebrate the birth of one of the most wonderful people I know, but before we continue, I need to say something..."
[[Let her finish|Finish4]]
[[Interject|Interject4]]"...I'm deathly allergic to orange juice and I only agreed to this because I thought we were getting samosas and not mimosas. I always get them confused in my head. I hope my not partaking in this beverage doesn't ruin everyone else's time, but I'd rather live to Birthunch another day. Cheers."
"Cheers," you all say in unison, and then drink (except for Mary-Katherine).
Suddenly, your complaint about Mary-Catherine wearing the same outfit as you doesn't seem like such a big deal; you're just glad you get to spend time with your friends and talk about the silly things like confusing mimosas and samosas, and that Mary-Katherine isn't going to die of an allergic reaction to orange juice.
[[21st Birthday Good ending]]
You savagely cut her off.
"...What she needs to say is that Mary-Catherine tastelessly and carelessly stole my classic look and that we are not just going to sit here and take it!" You are a little shocked by how no one expected you to say that, especially Mary-Katherine.
Mary-Catherine takes a deep breath and says, "Fine, I guess one of us needs to change then."
Of all the nerve. On your birthunchday, no less. You smile angrily.
"Alright, then. Take it off."
Everyone gasps. Mary-Catherine smiles back, just as angry.
"Make me."
You vault over the table knocking dishes and silverware to the ground and into laps. You and Mary-Catherine both begin ripping your clothes off each other which is really uncomfortable and tedious because you both had the //audacity// to wear all leather. When you both are half naked and undoing each other's corsets things start to get heated because suddenly you notice that Mary-Katherine, Mary-Frances, and Mary-Anne are all taking their clothes off as well. But they look like they're doing it for fun, not out of spite.
"//This wasn't supposed to be a fun activity!//" you think loudly. But now that you can see Mary-Catherine's fully nude body you realize that this is kind of fun.
The waiter arrives with the mimosas and quickly leaves, not wanting to get involved with the naked chaos. After light foreplay you propose a toast;
"Three cheers to Mary-Catherine for making me take her clothes off and starting a new Birthunch tradition. Let's get smashed and get back to business!" You all down your mimosas as quickly as possible, even Mary-Katherine, trapped by the social contract, who promptly dies due to her orange juice allergy.
Yikes. This kills the mood. Mary-Anne calls an ambulance while everyone gets dressed. Maybe you should get better at reading facial cues so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
The End: Mary-Katherine Died Naked
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You stand up.
"Look, Mary-Catherine, I don't know what the //heck// you think you're doing wearing //my// look on //my// 21st birthunchday celebration, but if you think that I'm just going to //sit// here while //you're// stealing //my// outfit then //some//body's going to have to do something about it."
Everyone freezes. Mary-Katherine slowly spits a couple of ice cubes out of her mouth back into her glass of water.
Mary-Catherine's upper lip quivers as she tries to say something.
"I- I- I-" she stammers. Tears are now welling up in her eyes.
"I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU!" she sobs.
Mary-Catherine stands up from the table and runs to the bathroom to continue crying. Mary-Anne goes after her to console her. Mary-Katherine gives you a look that says "//wow, way to go, //idiot.// All she ever did was look up to you//."
No one says anything.
Great. You've official ruined your birthday. I hope you're happy.
The End: You Made Mary-Catherine Cry Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You cough into your hand to try to get everyone's attention, but it doesn't seem to work.
You could try coughing louder, but that might arouse suspicion that you're ill and that would be counterproductive.
I don't think being subtle is really going to get anything done here.
What do you do?
[[Try being blunt|Blunt4]]
[[Just don't say anything|Say Nothing4]]Okay, great. You decide to speak up about this issue. How do you want to address this issue?
[[Blunt|Blunt5]]
[[Subtle|Subtle5]]You decide to say nothing about Death-From-Above Debbie wearing the exact same outfit as you and just try to enjoy your Birthunch in the company of your closest, gayest friends.
You all sit down at your reserved table in the back room of Cafe Spavento (Translator's note: That's German for "Death-From-Above Debbie's a Classless Traitor Cafe) and order your mimosas. No one has said anything about the, now very obvious, issue of you and Death-From-Above Debbie wearing the same outfit. Roundhouse Rita gives you a confused and uncomfortable look, as if to say //"Hey, what's the deal with Death-From-Above Debbie wearing the same outfit as you?"// but in fact Roundhouse Rita was trying to say //"Hey, I'm deathly allergic to orange juice so I don't really know if I should drink my mimosa. I was confused and thought we were getting samosas which was kind of out there, but hey it's your Birthunch and I'm down for anything, but now the Social Contract has me trapped here and if I drink my mimosa in 6 minutes I'll probably die."// Unfortunately you aren't very good at non-verbal communication and you were also primed to expect someone to say something about Death-From-Above Debbie anyways. You take this as a cue that now is the time for action, but you still don't really want to start anything, so instead you just nod at Roundhouse Rita as if you completely understand.
Roundhouse Rita is confused as to why you're nodding at her, since the thing you thought she meant isn't really answerable with a nod, and neither is the thing she actually meant. She makes another face at you that is the epitome of //"Wait, what?"// but you read it as, //"Wait, you want ''me'' to say something?"// again, you're not very good at this and also the priming thing, and so you nod at her again, and this time at the end of it, you motion with the tail-end of your nod over to Death-From-Above Debbie.
By now, Big Mike has taken notice of this non-verbal exchange and gives you a look that says //"Everything ok?"// and in response you wink at her. Again, that's not really the right thing to do, but sure we'll just roll with it. Big Mike leans back in her chair, confused, and waits for the drinks to arrive, continuing other conversation and smalltalk with the other girls at the table.
The mimosas finally arrive and you give Roundhouse Rita one final look. You all pick up your glasses, Roundhouse Rita stands up and says
"I'm so glad that we could all come together and celebrate the birth of one of the most wonderful people I know, but before we continue, I need to say something..."
[[Let her finish|Finish5]]
[[Interject|Interject5]]
"...I'm deathly allergic to orange juice and I only agreed to this because I thought we were getting samosas and not mimosas. I always get them confused in my head. I hope my not partaking in this beverage doesn't ruin everyone else's time, but I'd rather live to Birthunch another day. Cheers."
"Cheers," you all say in unison, and then drink (except for Roundhouse Rita).
Suddenly, your complaint about Death-From-Above Debbie wearing the same outfit as you doesn't seem like such a big deal; you're just glad you get to spend time with your friends and talk about the silly things like confusing mimosas and samosas, and that Roundhouse Rita isn't going to die of an allergic reaction to orange juice.
[[21st Birthday Good ending]]
You savagely cut her off.
"...What she needs to say is that Death-From-Above Debbie tastelessly and carelessly stole my classic look and that we are not just going to sit here and take it!" You are a little shocked by how no one expected you to say that, especially Roundhouse Rita.
Death-From-Above Debbie takes a deep breath and says, "Fine, I guess one of us needs to change then."
Of all the nerve. On your birthunchday, no less. You smile angrily.
"Alright, then. Take it off."
Everyone gasps. Death-From-Above Debbie smiles back, just as angry.
"Make me."
You vault over the table knocking dishes and silverware to the ground and into laps. You and Death-From-Above Debbie both begin ripping your clothes off each other which is really uncomfortable and tedious because you both had the //audacity// to wear all leather. When you both are half naked and undoing each other's corsets things start to get heated because suddenly you notice that Roundhouse Rita, Big Mike, and Megaton Mary are all taking their clothes off as well. But they look like they're doing it for fun, not out of spite.
"//This wasn't supposed to be a fun activity!//" you think loudly. But now that you can see Death-From-Above Debbie's fully nude body you realize that this is kind of fun.
The waiter arrives with the mimosas and quickly leaves, not wanting to get involved with the naked chaos. After light foreplay you propose a toast;
"Three cheers to Death-From-Above Debbie for making me take her clothes off and starting a new Birthunch tradition. Let's get smashed and get back to business!" You all down your mimosas as quickly as possible, even Roundhouse Rita, trapped by the social contract, who promptly dies due to her orange juice allergy.
Yikes. This kills the mood. Megaton Mary calls an ambulance while everyone gets dressed. Maybe you should get better at reading facial cues so that this kind of thing doesn't happen again.
The End: Roundhouse Rita Died Naked
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You stand up.
"Look, Death-From-Above Debbie, I don't know what the //heck// you think you're doing wearing //my// look on //my// 21st birthunchday celebration, but if you think that I'm just going to //sit// here while //you're// stealing //my// outfit then //some//body's going to have to do something about it."
Everyone freezes. Roundhouse Rita slowly spits a couple of ice cubes out of her mouth back into her glass of water.
Death-From-Above Debbie's upper lip quivers as she tries to say something.
"I- I- I-" she stammers. Tears are now welling up in her eyes.
"I JUST WANTED TO LOOK LIKE YOU!" she sobs.
Death-From-Above Debbie stands up from the table and runs to the bathroom to continue crying. Megaton Mary goes after her to console her. Roundhouse Rita gives you a look that says "//wow, way to go, //idiot.// All she ever did was look up to you//."
No one says anything.
Great. You've official ruined your birthday. I hope you're happy.
The End: You Made Death-From-Above Debbie Cry Ending.
[[Play again?|Happy Birthday]]
You cough into your hand to try to get everyone's attention, but it doesn't seem to work.
You could try coughing louder, but that might arouse suspicion that you're ill and that would be counterproductive.
I don't think being subtle is really going to get anything done here.
What do you do?
[[Try being blunt|Blunt5]]
[[Just don't say anything|say nothing5]]Hello and welcome to my twine game. The game is about to start, but before we jump right into things, here's a quick content warning for the following things that appear in the game:
Cannibalism
Descriptions of nudity
Bodily excretion
Death
War
Fake phishing scam
Mild sexual themes
Bad game design
Descriptions of gore
Enjoy!
[[Let's start!|Happy Birthday]]
[[No thanks, I don't want to play your stupid game|no thanks]]